The FBI isn’t used to being one-upped by people who sell adult diapers and Spongebob shower curtains, but thanks to Target, the kids down at the bureau are left sullenly masticating their humble pie. The national retailer has a fancy-shmancy crime lab in Minneapolis, stocked with all the latest forensic bells ‘n’ whistles. I bet they have some brains in jars, too. The facility was built to help prevent and prosecute crimes within Target, but word spread, and the FBI joined other law enforcement agencies leaving candy and flowers on Target Corp’s doorstep.

The demand for Target’s services was so great, in fact, that they had to develop special rules for all the pro bono cases. Now, they only accept cases involving violent felonies, and have been investigating competitor Wal-Mart for “…cloning an army of ‘manimals,’ horrible half-man, half-beast creatures that hypnotize you, then eat your face.”

In addition, Target is also helping criminal justice agencies communicate more effectively by developing an “inventory” (criminal) control program, a database of offenders that can be used by everyone. But I don’t think practical application of inventory management strategies should stop there. Why can’t we attach plastic security tags to each inmate, like stores do with leather coats? Then if a prisoner tries to leave before his tag is removed, he’ll beep. And everyone will turn and look at him and he’ll get all embarrassed and denounce crime forever.

[tags]Target, FBI, crime lab[/tags]