I studied for two years and racked up thousands of dollars in student loans to earn a M.S. in Criminology. But alas, it was all for naught. Because as it turns out, Everything I Needed to Know About Forensic Science I Learned From CSI.

1) Murder victims are primarily beautiful, blonde starlets.

2) Gang shootings and domestic assaults rarely occur because they are boring.

3) Don’t bother with an unflattering hair net or bulky face mask. A little cross-contamination is a small price to pay to look your best.

4) Lighting the crime lab with a single blacklight saves valuable taxpayer dollars. Just enough to buy a 7-ft plasma T.V. for the break room.

5) Lab technicians routinely carry weapons and apprehend criminals.

6) When collecting evidence, female crime scene investigators should wear very high heels in order to get a bird’s eye view of the crime scene.

7) Fingerprints can be lifted from internal organs.

8) Police detectives often invite crime scene analysts to participate in suspect interrogations, because scientists are sly and cunning.

9) Always wear sexy lingerie in case you are murdered.

10) If your superior in the Sheriff’s department thinks you and your colleagues are a ragtag gang of ne’er-do-well vigilantes, don’t worry. He’s just a plot device.

[tags]CSI, criminology, humor, crime[/tags]