Former vice-president of South Africa Jacob Zuma, kicked out of office for mass corruption, is on trial for raping an HIV-positive relative. His defense? She was totally asking for it, the dirty slut.

You see, the tramp–I mean, the alleged victim–was wearing a knee-length skirt. If that’s not asking to be raped, I don’t know what is. In addition, Zuma somehow surmised she wasn’t wearing underwear, clearly an invitation for violent assault.

The prosecution has argued that Zuma would have used a condom to have consensual sex with an HIV-positive partner. The fact that he didn’t use protection makes the rape scenario more plausible.

Zuma testified that her HIV status had indeed caused him to “hesitate.” But in the end he decided that he must have sex with her because in Zulu culture, leaving a woman horny and unsatisfied is tantamount to rape. “…In Zulu culture, you don’t just leave a woman,” he told the jury. “She will have you arrested and say you are a rapist.” You just can’t win with these lying bitches, can you?

Besides, he said, he figured he could wash the HIV off in the shower.

[tags]rape, crime, zuma, south africa[/tags]