Kevin Eckenrode, 26, has been convicted of involuntary manslaughter in Pennsylvania for causing the death of his girlfriend, 23-year-old Rachel Kozlusky, whom he dropped out a high-rise window after a night of drinking. You know how it is, guys… you and your best girl are spending the evening together, knocking back a few stiff drinks… Highballs, Hot Toddies, Singapore Slings.. whatever it is the kids are drinking these days. As the two of you embark on your fifth consecutive cocktail hour, you find yourself playfully dangling the love of your life by her wrists out the window of your 23rd floor apartment.

Though the manslaughter was involuntary, the alcohol consumption was not. True, drinking can help you forget your troubles, but it can also cause you to forget basic laws of physics when you need them most.

The moral of the story is, never drink more than four feet off the ground unless you’re tethered to something.

A Paris prisoner confessed to murder last Wednesday after his cellmate was found dead with a substantial chest wound. The prisoner boasted he ate his victim’s heart, but it appears he just ate some of the surrounding muscle and tissue. Parisians and cannibals were outraged and demanded the prisoner be charged and prosecuted for giving a false statement to police.

It’s true.. Tigger has been accused of assault. We’d expect this kind of behavior from Eeyore, maybe even Rabbit. But Tigger? A home movie shot by the victim’s devoted and litigious father shows a child… well, not so much a child, more a teenage boy… being hit or possibly pawed while posing for a picture at Disney World.

Unfortunately, the victim may be in more danger than ever now that his friends have seen pictures of Tigger kicking his pansy ass. Of course, compounding the threat is the elevated risk of Pooh Family reprisals.

News: India fires 6 policemen over deaths of children, women

In a country long known for its outstanding commitment to social equality, citizens were outraged after learning local police essentially ignored reports that poor women and children have been disappearing from a wealthy suburb of Delhi over the past two years.

One migrant worker told reporters that when she asked police to investigate the disappearance of her 20-year-old daughter, they laughed, saying “Why do you people have so many children if you can’t look after them?” Of course, this was before they found the dismembered remains of at least 17 women and children in the sewer behind a businessman’s residence. He was arrested, along with his faithful manservant accomplice who reportedly performed domestic chores, including light kidnapping and body disposal.

After the first wave of nausea and abject horror, I was left wondering.. since when is killing women illegal in India? I kid, I kid! Seriously though, you guys are great.