I admit it: I dislike Myspace. But I don’t loathe it more than any other faddish social networking site. I can actually smell stale beer and vomit emanating from Facebook, and though I’m not totally clear on the details, I’m pretty sure browsing Myspace spreads venereal disease.

But Tom didn’t deserve this. He just wanted everyone to be his friend… is that so wrong? I don’t know who committed this atrocious crime, but there’s no shortage of suspects.

For example, me. I’ve made it pretty clear I don’t like Myspace. I can’t deny it, it’s in the first paragraph, right there in black and white. Also I have no alibi for the murder since no matter what night it took place, I can almost guarantee you I was home, alone, counting my money. And then putting it in penny rolls so the bank lady won’t get mad at me.

Another suspect is This Guy (right). I can’t quite make out his face, but word is he was recently seen in the vicinity of the internet. Clearly he has an ax to grind with Tom… but so do many other 14-year-old Hot Topic customers with twenty bucks of t-shirt money burning a hole in their pocket-protector protected pockets.

The plot thickens.

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) - A U.N. internal investigative unit has found an unexpected amount of fraud and abuse at the United Nations and is currently investigating 250 cases, including alleged sexual and financial offenses. “Our caseload has been very steady over the last three months, around 250 cases,” Inga-Britt Ahlenius, head of the U.N. Office of Internal Oversight Services (OIOS), told reporters. “We found mismanagement and fraud and corruption to an extent we didn’t really expect.”

Ahlenius went on to state that until very recently, she believed OJ was innocent and Paris Hilton’s nose was real.

Red Meat by Max Cannon