There are many reasons I hate riding the bus, but until today, beheading wasn’t one of them.

Canadian police charge man over bus beheading

When Mr Caton and two others returned to the bus to check on the victim, he said they saw the attacker “cutting the guy’s head off and gutting him”. Moments later, police surrounded the bus and arrested the man after a nearly three-hour standoff, an official said. “He was taunting police with the head in his hand out the window,” said Mr Caton.

(Nothing like witnessing a violent crime to thrust you into the spotlight where you belong, eh Mr Caton?)

But wait, there’s more…

Teen sexually assaulted girl on school bus, police say

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s office said Branden Allen, 18, a 16-year-old boy and a 15-year-old boy were arrested on charges of sexual battery and false imprisonment.  Authorities say the two younger male teens boarded the parked bus and acted as lookouts as Allen “sexually battered the victim despite her resistance and protestations.”

BONUS!!  Priceless comment left on another blog in response to this news story – Slightly edited for rambling:

If there is, I don’t wanna know about it.

Megan Meier: In 2006, when she was 13 years old, Megan hung herself in her bedroom closet after receiving a cruel message from her Myspace crush. Her dad later saw it on the screen.. 16-year-old Josh Evans had told Megan the world would be a better place without her. Ouch, baby.

Lori Drew: Megan’s ex-friend’s 48-year-old mom. She heard Megan was saying nasty stuff about her kid, so she invented “Josh Evans” and created a profile for him on Myspace. The plan was to gain Megan’s trust and “find out what she thought about [Lori's daughter] and about other people,” per the police report. Right now she’s neck-and-neck with Britney Spears for Mother of the Year.

Ashley Grills: A 19-year-old temp employed by Lori Drew. She appeared on Good Morning America to defend herself against Lori’s assertion that the shenanigans were all her idea. Per Ashley, Lori was the instigator, even suggesting they could set up a meeting between Josh and Megan at the mall, then show up to laugh at her.

What happened: Megan’s parents found her in her closet, the message from “Josh” still on her computer screen. They had no inkling Josh wasn’t real until six weeks after Megan’s death. The Meiers and Drews lived in the same neighborhood, and eventually word leaked. The Drews became pariahs (my mom says that’s different than piranhas but sometimes I get them mixed up since both are things you don’t want to be around) and a target of self-righteous vandals.

Against the advice of neighbors, Lori and her husband Curt went to the Meiers’ house to “explain” and when they weren’t let in, started banging on the doors. On Thanksgiving. Click the report if you have weak eyes. (It’s okay, nobody’s recording your IP address and selling information indicating corneal defects to your health insurance provider at a tidy profit.)

Local law enforcement didn’t press charges for the Myspace incident because they felt that technically, no crime had been committed. But federal authorities became involved and, in unprecedented precedent, Lori Drew is now facing prosecution for violating Myspace terms of service by creating a false account.

Rob McKenna sez: “The Bill of Rights is part of this complete breakfast!”

Watch out America. The feds are coming after you for that Facebook account you made for the pair of mules in the muddy corral off 228th St in Canyon Park. It’s all fun and games until somebody gets indicted.

[Note: To be fair, you could have made a separate account for each mule; combining them is indicative of your maturity and restraint.]

(This last girl may look like a rape victim, but don’t be fooled… she has the “desires of A WOMAN.”)

And another thing: Why don’t cops wear ties anymore? Those were the days… men dressed respectable-like, and kept those uppity dames in line.

Via F Minus.

Come on girls, let’s be brutally honest. Who among us hasn’t murdered a loved one and used the life insurance payoff to get our breasts enlarged?

Cynthia Sommer, 32, was a voluptuous debutante trapped in a flat-as-a-pancake body. A Coach-sporting fashionista hindered by a pleather knockoff budget. Why didn’t she just go marry some old rich perv, like every other self-respecting gold digger?? I guess we’ll never know.

Instead, at age 30 with three kids, she married a 23-year-old Marine. Sgt. Todd Sommer complained of feeling sick in early February 2002, then collapsed ten days later. Police thought he’d died of a heart condition until a little forensic detectiveryness found that his liver contained 1,020 times the normal level of arsenic. His wife explained that his favorite breakfast cereal is Arsen-O’s.

Cynthia’s defense attorney went on about how difficult the arrest had been for her four children (three from a previous relationship). He didn’t mention how difficult it was for the children when daddy dropped dead and mommy spent the next few weeks partying at strip clubs and sleeping with other marines.

Ten days after Todd died, Cynthia scheduled her boob job. She got $250,000 from Todd’s life insurance as well as $1,871 a month from the Department of Veterans Affairs. That easily covered her $23,000 in credit card debt and her $5,000 surgery.

Her lawyer argued that she didn’t really benefit from her husband’s death, since she broke even after about a year. It seems the ability to spend $250,000 in one year is now a murder defense. But dude, I bet she’s totally foxy now, so it was way worth it.

A Hong Kong DJ and his producers publically apologized to outraged legislators and citizens after posting a poll on the radio show’s website asking people to vote for which female celebrity they would most like to rape. Crazy feminists.

This comes as China works hard to clean up it’s image in preparation for the 2008 Olympics, arresting jay-walkers and fining people who cut in line. A smoking ban is in the works, and since the Chinese are apparently exceedingly fond of hawking loogies — in the street, on hotel carpet, wherever — volunteers have hit the city sidewalks with free “spitting bags.” After eradicating these terrible offenses, I assume China will get around to focusing on minor etiquette violations like genocide, state-sanctioned torture and human trafficking.

Former vice-president of South Africa Jacob Zuma, kicked out of office for mass corruption, is on trial for raping an HIV-positive relative. His defense? She was totally asking for it, the dirty slut.

You see, the tramp–I mean, the alleged victim–was wearing a knee-length skirt. If that’s not asking to be raped, I don’t know what is. In addition, Zuma somehow surmised she wasn’t wearing underwear, clearly an invitation for violent assault.

The prosecution has argued that Zuma would have used a condom to have consensual sex with an HIV-positive partner. The fact that he didn’t use protection makes the rape scenario more plausible.

Zuma testified that her HIV status had indeed caused him to “hesitate.” But in the end he decided that he must have sex with her because in Zulu culture, leaving a woman horny and unsatisfied is tantamount to rape. “…In Zulu culture, you don’t just leave a woman,” he told the jury. “She will have you arrested and say you are a rapist.” You just can’t win with these lying bitches, can you?

Besides, he said, he figured he could wash the HIV off in the shower.

[tags]rape, crime, zuma, south africa[/tags]

Abraham Alexander stole over $237,000 from the Cardiovascular Research Foundation, spending upwards of $11,000 of the embezzled funds on the services of dominatrix Lady Sage (right). Despite the Lady’s harsh disciplinary techniques, Abraham continued to be a bad, bad boy, and will have to give the Foundation most of his pending divorce settlement. Who knew his wife would get all bitchy about it?? Pshhh… women.

[tags]dominatrix, larceny, charity, crime[/tags]