January 21st, 2008
I admit it: I dislike Myspace. But I don’t loathe it more than any other faddish social networking site. I can actually smell stale beer and vomit emanating from Facebook, and though I’m not totally clear on the details, I’m pretty sure browsing Myspace spreads venereal disease.
But Tom didn’t deserve this. He just wanted everyone to be his friend… is that so wrong? I don’t know who committed this atrocious crime, but there’s no shortage of suspects.
For example, me. I’ve made it pretty clear I don’t like Myspace. I can’t deny it, it’s in the first paragraph, right there in black and white. Also I have no alibi for the murder since no matter what night it took place, I can almost guarantee you I was home, alone, counting my money. And then putting it in penny rolls so the bank lady won’t get mad at me.
Another suspect is This Guy (right). I can’t quite make out his face, but word is he was recently seen in the vicinity of the internet. Clearly he has an ax to grind with Tom… but so do many other 14-year-old Hot Topic customers with twenty bucks of t-shirt money burning a hole in their pocket-protector protected pockets.
The plot thickens.
Tags: hot topic, knife, murder, my space, myspace, tom
Posted in Misc (...ellaneous) | No Comments »
January 10th, 2008
UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) – A U.N. internal investigative unit has found an unexpected amount of fraud and abuse at the United Nations and is currently investigating 250 cases, including alleged sexual and financial offenses. “Our caseload has been very steady over the last three months, around 250 cases,” Inga-Britt Ahlenius, head of the U.N. Office of Internal Oversight Services (OIOS), told reporters. “We found mismanagement and fraud and corruption to an extent we didn’t really expect.”
Ahlenius went on to state that until very recently, she believed OJ was innocent and Paris Hilton’s nose was real.
Tags: corruption, fraud, United Nations
Posted in Crime news | 1 Comment »
December 30th, 2007
…these stories speak for themselves.
Knoxville, TN – December 30, 2007: A Hooter’s patron upset over his bar tab shot and killed a female customer walking out of the restaurant at around 1am. “These things don’t happen at Hooter’s,” said area Hooter’s president Shannon Herlihy. Police are still searching for the suspect, described as a “white male who was missing his front teeth and was wearing jeans and a black jacket decorated in rhinestones.”
Tokyo, Japan - A government survey of former prison inmates in Japan found that many felt their prison-issued, vertically striped grayish pajamas were unfashionable. About half disliked the color, and 44 percent agreed the design was ugly.
Bangkok, Thailand - Thai police officers who litter, arrive late, park in a prohibited area, or commit other selected misdemeanors will be forced to wear an armband featuring Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts and stay at the police station all day. “Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor,” said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok, an international hub of human trafficking and child prostitution.
Tags: crime, Hello Kitty, Hooter's, murdered, shooting
Posted in Crime news | 1 Comment »
December 11th, 2007
(This last girl may look like a rape victim, but don’t be fooled… she has the “desires of A WOMAN.”)
Posted in Chicks, Criminal history | 1 Comment »
November 27th, 2007
Holland, June 2007 Filled with the heady exuberance of youth (and cocaine), a young Hollandite decided to take daddy’s car for a spin. Four cop cars were damaged as police tried to keep him off the main roads. Finally he crashed into a ditch, but not before destroying some poor farmer’s corn field. Yet another example of why kids shouldn’t be allowed to do blow without parental supervision.
Tags: cocaine, corn field, crop circle, drugs, holland, police
Posted in Crime news, Kids, Unsmart | 1 Comment »
November 25th, 2007
Amidst the flurry of media coverage following allegations that noted baseball guy Barry Bonds used steroids and committed perjury, an August lawsuit against Bonds has been almost completely ignored. South Carolina prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches, currently serving ten years for fraud, accused Barry Bonds of numerous crimes including terrorism, moonshining and bat assault. Riches recounted a horrifying instance in which Barry Bonds bench-pressed him against his will, “to show off in front of his ballpark buddies.” Mr. Riches also witnessed Bonds “selling steroids to nuns.”
Jonathan Lee Riches has filed lawsuits involving a variety of high-profile sports figures. In September 2007 his formal complaint stated that the New England Patriots’ Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and Randy Moss had:
…illegally taped my prison phone calls to my family, then sold the tapes to CNN producer Andy Segal who illegally aired my copyrighted voice on ‘CNN Presents: How to Rob a Bank.’ I experienced a invasion of privacy from Defendants’ actions, my heart is broke forever.
In an October 2007 lawsuit, Riches accused George Steinbrenner of several misdeeds including “verbal sodomy”. In addition to his request for a temporary restraining order against Steinbrenner and $100 million in damages, Riches also demanded the return of his whips, chains, shaving cream, lotions and boxers. Other charges:
- Steinbrenner sent me pictures with a leash around his neck being dragged by Abu Ghraib’s [sic] Lyndie England
- He made me eat a banana in front of the 1998 Yankees team
- In a letter shaped as a heart, Steinbrenner wants me to replace Derrick Jeter as shortstop when I come home
- Steinbrenner wants me to be his Fabio and eat “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” without a knife in front of him
- He told me he wants us both to become Roman Catholics and live on waterfront property in Clearwater Beach to watch the sunset together in a bathtub taking Cialis
- He will pay for my federal appeal, in return I have to catwalk and Chippendales dance in the Yankees locker room before each game
I’ll keep you updated.
Tags: Barry Bonds, George Steinbrenner, lawsuit, nuns, prisoner
Posted in Crime news, Famous criminals | 1 Comment »
November 18th, 2007
Child prostitute, 1871. Inscription on the back: Mary Simpson a common prostitute age 10 or 11 year. She has been known as Mrs. Berry for at least two years. She is four month with child.
[Anonymous photographer. Silverprint 8 1/2" x 6", via Wikipedia.]
Tags: child prostitute 1800s pregnant
Posted in Criminal history, Kids | No Comments »
November 14th, 2007
Tags: comic, crime, psychopaths
Posted in Comics | No Comments »
