In Durham, Oregon, yet another exhausted police department has been persuaded by a murder victim’s family to allow a psychic to aid them after they hit a dead-end in the investigation. No word yet on whether Laurie McQuery, who became psychic after a horseback riding accident, has been able to provide the police with any useful information; it is also unclear whether the horse was psychic, and died in the accident, and then passed it’s spirit on to McQuery. I can’t answer that with absolute certainty but based on my limited knowledge of clairvoyant livestock, I would have to say yes, definitely.
Remember those miners who were trapped back in January? I was listening to a radio interview with notorious psychic detective Sylvia Brown that final night when, through some tragic miscommunication, the media reported that just one miner had died and 12 had survived. The host broke the news during his interview with Sylvia, and asked her if that was the outcome she predicted. “Oh, I knew they would be found,” she happily replied. A short time later the media issued a correction: Only one miner had survived, the rest had died. The radio host asked Sylvia to explain why her psychic powers had failed. In a flash she pulled a Spandex leotard over her leathery, makeup-caked flesh and performed an impressive, if poorly executed backflip, stating that she had “said they would be found, but never said they would be found alive.”
As for the murder victim in Durham, I’m going to have to guess she’s near water, and… I see… green, plants or trees, I think. What’s that? They already found the body in a basement, and now they’re just looking for the killer? Oh. Well I think the killer is near water, by a tree.
- Read an article on the amazing, jaw-dropping, pants-pooping supernatural powers of psychic detectives, from the Skeptic’s Dictionary.